where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
