dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
