I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
