He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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