I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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