Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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