you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
