I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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