well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
