I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
