the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
