I think I won the penis lottery.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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