She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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