I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my shit smells like andre
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
