Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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