you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
