Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I could make wine with my vomit
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
