i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
