why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
