hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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