Screwed.edu
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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