I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
