Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish you could order shots online.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
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What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're a waste of cheezeits
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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