idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
