Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
