I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
there is glitter all over my balls
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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