just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
