I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
