I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
