Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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