Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
last night I used snow as a chaser
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
