when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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