Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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