Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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