The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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