dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
