either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There r osticjed everywhere
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
