I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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