Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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