You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
