i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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