Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She announced her abortion via fbk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
A+ Viking dick
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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