anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
