You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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