if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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