WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
