i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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