last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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