apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
