i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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