Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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