I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
