Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
