Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
