For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
