i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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