Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
