How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
