I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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