Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Congratulations! We have a period
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
