i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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