I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
