good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
