it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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